07.07.11

Dearëst Zoë,

We're doing what I thought we would never do.  We're looking at daycare centers.  (Shudder).  That was never in my plan for being a good mother. 

When I was pregnant with you, we made the choice that I would leave my current job and go to nights.  For the past nearly 3 years, this means I've been home with you during the day and your Daddy has been home with you at night.  I've always felt that I wanted your Daddy and I to be the ones to have the most time with you.  I didn't want you raised by strangers for 8 hours a day. 



Things are changing now.  I'm basically exhausted from doing this double schedule for so long and your Daddy is looking at a new job that would mean travel for him.  I would have to be home with you at night which means I need to go back to working day shifts and you will be enrolled in daycare. 

Even as I think about, I feel the guilt beginning to nibble at my stomach.  None of the mommy bloggers I read have children in daycare.  They're all stay at home moms.  I wish that was the case for us, but we couldn't afford for me to not work. 

So we're looking at a daycare that I think you'd enjoy.  They have playground time every day.  They do arts and crafts and teach pre-k curriculum.  You'll be around other children a lot.  I can't stand the thought of letting you go.  A good part of me feels like I'm doing something terrible to you.  In the ideal world, I would stay home with you and homeschool and we'd use a blend of Waldorf/Montessori, but as you'll find, this isn't an ideal world and realistically, I need this change as much for myself as for you.  I've been stretching myself very thin for the past 3 years and I need to get some normalcy back into my life. 

I love you very much. I'm nervous about this new phase in life we're approaching, but your Daddy and I are going to take a tour of the place and if we like it, we'll start you out there part-time, 3 days a week so you are eased into it.  I pray that we're doing the right thing and I hope it's something that enhances your life in a positive way.

All my love,

Mama