11.14.11

My Dearëst Zoë,

It's so hard to find something to say on a daily basis.  Not that I couldn't babble on pointlessly because I'm more than capable of that, but it's hard to find things to say that seem worth reading again in the future and that's the whole point of this blog after all.  I'm writing to the future you, the older you, so that you will know who I was and who you were as a very small child.  I want to preserve everything about these years in detail so that nothing is lost.  It's challenging to find the right words and sometimes, it seems like there are no words to capture the pure, simple satisfaction and joy in the everyday moments that we share.  When I come home from work, I look forward to your greeting.  You stand on the porch on tiptoe, throwing your arms high over your head in celebratory excitement and shout "Mommmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"  with a big grin.  Your curls bounce around wildly as you bob and dance back and forth waiting for me to walk up the porch steps.  The very first thing I do when I get home is pick you up and give you kisses and tickles to hear you giggle. 

At night, before we go to sleep, you pucker up your tiny lips and give me a kiss, then roll over to give your Daddy a kiss before turning back to me and wrapping your arm around my neck, your fingers entwined in my hair, whispering a sleepy "night-night" into my neck.  Before I fall asleep, I often just gaze at you, studying every tiny detail and trying to memorize it so that even when you're all grown up, I will still remember you as my baby; the shadow your eyelashes cast on your cheek, the full, soft chubbiness of those little cheeks, the way your bottom lip drops open a little as you fall deeper into sleep and begin snoring quietly.  Every little detail is important to me because I know it won't last forever.  I want to enjoy it all as much as I can while it lasts.

It's not easy to put these things down without sounding trite, but experiencing them, even over and over again, every day, each time the joy and pleasure never fades.  Every new word you say, every new accomplishment seems to me to be the first time in the whole universe anyone has ever been so clever.  I marvel at you and only hope that I can be as amazing a mother as you are a daughter.

All my love,

Mama